Can you smell the light?

Tuesday, March 1

Nimeni nu stie

Nu stia nimeni cat de mult ii placea melodia aia sau sa priveasca stelele ametita de alcool. Cat se pierdea pe muzica cand dansa ca o nebuna sau cat ii placea sa se joace cu degetele tale, sa-i sufli aer rece pe piele si sa vorbeasca vrute si nevrute despre viata, carti si sentimente ore in sir. Nu stia nimeni ca e prinsa mereu in jocul dintre bine si rau si ca atunci cand plangea o facea pentru ca era prea multa frumusete, nu durere. Cauta mereu pe cineva sa inteleaga din ea ce ea nu putea si proiecta dragoste acolo unde gasea putin interes pentru ea, sperand ca in timp sa invete sa-si ofere energia fara sa astepte sa primeasca nimic inapoi. Nu stia nimeni ca atunci cand spunea ca-i place sa faca planuri cu cineva ea se referea la calatorii in care sa se piarda impreuna, nu la lucruri serioase. Nimeni nu vroia sa o cunoasca atat de bine incat sa afle ca vroia sa o iubesti pentru omul ce va deveni caci ea oricum se zbate sa fie omul care este.


Tuesday, October 19

Let's Pretend We Are Lovers

In diminetile de toamna triste. Noi si cafeaua vanilata fierbinte.
Sa lenevim in pat pana seara.
Cu jazz pe fundal, filme clasice si cearsafuri calde.

"Tu ai un paradis in tau in care nu se spun cuvinte."

Friday, August 27

The Secret Garden

In care esti intreg, autentic si sincer. Cu frici, prezent si vise.

In care tu esti Calauza ta. Tu esti si Scriitorul si Profesorul.

In care se regasesc si familia si prietenii si iubirea. Si arta si frumusetea si lumea.

Acolo mintea se odihneste si te lasa sa o descoperi. Acolo esti autentic si sincer.

Acolo e acasa.

Adriana

Sunday, May 30

Tell Me That You'll Open Your Eyes

Si o sa ma vezi asa cum sunt, goala de proiectii, bariere, ziduri si imagini.

Pentru ca intelegi cine sunt mai presus de gesturi, cuvinte, priviri si grimase.

Si-o sa-mi spui sa ma iert ca ma prostituez de atata timp pentru un te iubesc. O sa-mi spui sa-mi iert ca simt asta. Iar eu o sa te iert si pe tine. Si pe altii dinaintea ta.

I want you so much to open your eyes. 'Cas I need you to look into mine.

Tuesday, May 25

16 Francs and Everything that I've Got













There is no = in the love is friendship on fire equation. Just <> .

I can be easily tricked into it for 16 Francs. Even more, I'll give you everything I've got just to be able to feel you for only just a while. No reimbursement asked.

Micky

you feel cheap if you sell yourself so cheap for just a dip. how would I pay for it, if I dared to want you all?

Saturday, April 24

Mindscaping My Way To My Wonderwall



But I still haven't found what I'm looking for...

Sunday, November 29

Today














I believe that we happened for reason.

I see how much we've grown and feel so proud of it.

We respect and try to understand who we are.

We dream of new experiences and cherish those that have changed us.

We enjoy music and good food, we share our inner selves.

I am amazed of your inner beauty and respect who you are today.

I understand more of who I am through your eyes.

I once again reinforce that love is friendship on fire.

Micky
today I say thank you...

Sunday, October 11

We Can't Fake The Sunshine
















Copacul care
vorbeste

Mi-am recunoscut...
Fosnetul copacilor, singuratate si apa.

I still haven't found

what I'm looking for

A beautiful day, don't let it get away

Falling stars dancing
in dry wine

Jumping into Courage
to live

Seven and friends, beautiful friends
hearted letters...

Boat Club rhythm is Berlin reminder

Happy
happy with you...

Away, far far away at 25

Connection and
no connection

David Gray

So, so you think you can tell heaven from hell,
blue skies from pain

It all makes sense, we can't fake the sunshine....

Finally at peace

Confused, hurt and lost

It's been a year

Stories, pictures and words

I want...
Stockholm, passion, eternal sunshine with friends and in me

Sunday, September 6

Your Fingertips are like a Superhuman Touch...
















I am ready...

Monday, August 31

Dry Your Eyes















Sunt random si mi-e indiferent...

Comunic sec, fara substanta si mesaj...

Prezentul nu-mi este indeajuns. Dar nu stiu ce caut.

Ma transform dar nu vreau.

No capacity to love or be loved but full of generosity.

Fara asteptari. Deriva in dezamagiri. Fara gratuitati. Te dezbraca.

Micky

no more wonderwalls si parul balai e nemangaiat

Sunday, August 9

Sunt fata care...

Sunt fata care iti citea povesti, care iti desena si cu care dansai vals prin camera. Fata care era mereu prinsa in jocul gandurilor ei, pe care si-l recunostea langa tine cand muzica curgea si lumina era stinsa...

Sunt fata care iti scria biletele si iti canta "You are my sunshine" la telefon si langa care te prosteai precum cutzii...

Sunt fata cu care beai vin fiert, cu care ai vazut Hitchcock si "Compresorul si vioara" si careia i-ai gatit spaghete.Sunt fata care iti scria scrisori, cu care te bateai cu pernele si care se simtea mai curajoasa cand erai langa ea.


Sunt fata langa care ai stat cand i-a fost greu, cu care te-ai plimbat prin ploaie si care-ti spunea mereu ca vrea sa simta.

Sunt fata care si-a pierdut cerceii prin frunze, care nu vroia sa mai plece din camera ta, care visa la plimbari cu noi desculti prin parc si desene la malul marii.

Am fost doar o fata generoasa, din care nu ai inteles decat atat.

Micky

When the rain washes, you'll clean, you'll know



Sunday, April 26

O poveste...
















Vie, colorata de ras si cuvinte simple.


Pe care mintea sa nu o ucida...

Cu gust de scortisoara...

Pe o plaja uitata, dogorita de soare si vant...

Creionata de respect si caldura.

Constienta, libera si prezenta.

Care sa transpire frumusete, prietenie si viata...

Micky

hide and seek

Sunday, March 22

Come pick me up...


Now...

Sunday, March 1

Intensitate...













Cand respir...

In tot ceea ce fac...

Cu toti din jurul meu...

In a construi pe diferente si a intelege fara sa condamn...

Pentru a schimba...

Fara risc, fara justificari si cu sufletul deschis...

Intensitate...

Cand ma gandesc la tine..

Sunday, February 22

Sunt orb...


"Si maine-i o zi,
Si ziua din tine
Frumos va zambii
Sperantei din mine.


Iar eu sunt un orb in fata ta, care uite vezi prin mine ce e rau si ce e bine..."

Sunt orb, Marin Sorescu

Micky
Snow in Sahara

Friday, February 20

We meet every day at the same cafe...

















Jazz, coffee, away, far away... at sunset, no cars, no noise, no people, just peace, authentic peace...

Micky

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gylUqxkLJ6Q

Monday, January 19

Fall at Your Feet...

Si cuvintele si tacerea si intreaga mea fiinta se pleaca in fata atingerii...

Micky

Sunday, December 21

Mind of The Wonderful...

















The wonderful understands without further judgment. It embraces nature-like behavior.

The wonderful naturally recreates contexts in order to suit needs not wants. If not, the wonderful walks away, leaving no unresolved past.

The wonderful is meditation and on-going creation. The wonderful is respect.

The wonderful is love and sexuality alike. In various shades and levels of intensity belonging to those involved.

The wonderful is present. It wisely uses the resources of past to better understand the present. Just that.

The wonderful is personal. Personal, complete and sustainable.

The wonderful builds upon the synergy with diversity. Therefore, the wonderful is always grateful, simple and patient.

The wonderful is silence. Beautiful soul shared silence. And trust

Micky


Saturday, November 15

Remove heart...

Nu cred in banal si in minciuna. Urasc cand te minti pe tine insuti si eviti mereu sa iei decizii doar ca sa te complaci...
Cred in durere dar nu in tristete...
Cred in prietenie si iubire si multumesc celor care mi le daruiesc doar ca acum parca nu le mai vreau...
Cred in puterea sufletului meu de a se ridica si a trimite frumusete indiferent...
Cred prea mult in trecut si mi-e mult prea dor de el...yesterday e mereu mai bine...

Cred ca trebuie sa te pierzi ca sa regasesti...
Vreau sa vina cineva sa ia durerea cu mana de pe sufletul meu pentru ca ma sufoca...

Vreau sa uit tot...

Vreau sa plec si sa mi se piarda urma...

Iti multumesc ca m-ai imbogatit, ca m-ai stimulat si m-ai provocat constant...
Iti multumesc ca esti un suflet atat de frumos
Iti multumesc ca mi-ai iubit corpul
Iti multumesc ca intelegi din mine ceea ce eu nu pot...

But love is friendship on fire... and I stick to that...

Mai bine ma apropii de pietre si tac...

Sunday, November 9

Comfortably numb...

I miss, I miss, I miss...
Cinnamon, One me, One you, Enciclopedia vizuala, 4 a.m talking, poza de la M.N.A.C, muzletter-ul personal, nani in camera din afara timpului, your vocal trance, Sibiu, Brasov, picnic pe pajiste, cu barcuta pe Bosfor, Gibraltar, Juanar, Malaga y Mijas, drinking and bathing, la nuddy, lacrimi si imi pare rau-uri venite din suflet de undeva, doggies, pisi, hipopotamul si vacuta,dinozaurul si girafa, muzica si magia, plimbari pe plaja si poze, pupy in locuri diferite, sentimentul de special si doar pentru noi si ca there was no ordinary morning...


The rest... I don't know yet...

Micky
undeva departe, Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind, Saltwatered offshore love on run...

Tuesday, November 4

The Texture of My Body and Spirituality...













Different texts of various genre, implication and purpose build me up...

The intertextuality of my experiences trouble my present...

The contemporary me sees the past as omnipresent...

I believe in high-up spirituality and deep communication, in valuable friendships that bare no border... I believe in the power to listen...

I am poetry and music...

I will always get stuck in moments... in need of recreating my inner-persona....

I believe in silence and gratitude...

Micky





Sunday, February 25

In my secret life...

In my secret life... you see me in every special place you go to... parts of me waiting to be put back together...

In my secret life... I'm 3-Iron Omnipresent and so are you...


In my secret life... There are colorful emotions, paper planes flying over our heads, sand in our shoes, silence, vanilla and cinnamon, long walks inside, drawings, the music of the wind, stories read out loud... The right amount of hazard and suffering, confidence and respect...


In my secret life there are butterflies, dolphins and dreams, friends, jazz and white wine...


There is touch and tenderness of the soul...

And we're still making love...


Micky

Saturday, February 17

Shadows define light ...

The circle has given its pieces different names, and for sure things have integrated differently... Intellect, sexuality and soul... Having my body is never enough... I suddenly envision my complexity in a different and more clear manner, deciding to always let my femininity speak up from inside...

I find myself in the process of reinventing all three parts of myself, and this process is triggered by my reaction to what certain people are, what they stand for and their behavior...

In need of symbols and a bit of abstract meaning... The 3-iron kind of value these bring to my soul... The dreams and enrichment they facilitate for me as an individual in my process of evolution... The power they have to enable the beauty... They or the process they represent?

"Senzualitate.Frumos.Atractie.Tacere.Comunicare.Forta.Schimbare.Alegere.VIATA.Doi.Trei"

The process of going deeper into my getting to know myself, so that my soul can shine more and get warmer and closer... through and with the help of somebody... Still hurts but it definitely shapes more of who I am, helps me capture the whole perspective... And at the same time turns my focus towards the micro universe my life is... Just want to understand, not lose myself in it...

I am able to forgive and seek self-forgiveness... To accept that parts of me won't change for different reasons either of fear , either too essential ...

I need to get back to take back what I left there... I woke up realizing it hurts, it felt like someone ripped that part from me.. Not someone ... Me... I need to go back...

I have the power to envision ... I just need orange, blue, grey, green and gold shades for the perfect combination...


Micky

loving arms, inca verde, Prague, sec, oboseala, mi-e dor, frica, biserica si lumina, multa lumina...

Monday, January 22

Love is friendship on fire....

I find myself alone crying in the dark... It's what they tried to build and that I should carry on further... independence... It's the need for it that makes me block and run... and always rediscovering roots I might have...

Love is friendship on fire with so many details I should add... Love shouldn't mean suffering... Nothing from this point on should... I learned to grow from suffering, but now I'm tired... Neither can I produce, nor can I consume, nor create....

The wisest thing that I realized... After defining love, I have got to learn to fall in love with myself first... Because it seems I'm never the center, even if I realize I should be... I'm not happy, even though I probably deserve it... It's all in the respect I have for my dreams... or, best, the one i should have...

Cannot move forward if I don't apologize or ask forgiveness for the harm I caused... I never actually intended... Color blind and too late to change things...

It's difficult to feel..like I feel now... For not even I can describe it... No vision and foundation but falling in love, alone and drifting away, caught up inside, in need of help but not necessarily wanting it, not feeling to be appreciated, not even by myself, sad, lost... Rediscovering the joy of morning sun, of writing, learning to face failures and goodbyes...

For many... I wish love... For me... Yet no real envisioning... My own to happen...

For all the colors:

This years love had better last
Heaven knows it's high time
I've been waiting on my own, too long
When you hold me like you do
It feels so right, oh now
Start to forget how my heart gets torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Feelin' like I can't go on.
Turnin' circles time again
Cut like a knife, oh now
If you love me got to know for sure
Cuz' it takes something more this time
Then sweet, sweet lies, oh now
Before I open up my arms and fall losing all control
Every dream inside my soul
When you kiss me on that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singin' ain't this life so sweet?
This years love had better last
This years love had better last
Cuz' whose to worry if our hearts get torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Don't you notice life goes on
Won't you kiss me on that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singin' ain't this life so sweet
This years love had better last,
This years love had better last,
This years love had better last,
This years love had better last,
This years love had better last, whoa
This years love had better last.


Thank you,
Micky
falling in love

Tuesday, January 16

Dim Morning BluE Clouds


Mysterious hugs, people, messages, passiveness, close people, roles, match, songs, conversations, strange kind of love, long and lonely road, changes, lost...

Micky

what is it that lights it?

Sunday, December 24

The colour of my happiness....

I feel that it started in autumn, when I began to see that I was behaving like someone looking for something... something that is still hard to define... And because I couldn't define it, I started running away from it, distracting my attention, doing other things, so many other things... I forgot again about my essential things and at one point I felt lonely and that I had nothing to turn to, just because I started running, thus consuming, and forgot a part of myself in the process... It is this autumn that opened my eyes and made me STOP and think... The way I live my experiences, the lack of respect I show myself, the way I feel about persons in my life, the values that I have...

A venit toamna, acopera-mi inima cu ceva,

cu umbra unui copac sau mai bine cu umbra ta.

Mă tem
ca n-am să te mai vad, uneori,
ca or să-mi creasca aripi ascutite pana la nori,

ca ai să te ascunzi intr-un ochi strain,
si el o să se-nchida cu o frunza de pelin.

Si-atunci mă apropii de pietre si tac, iau cuvintele si le-nec în mare. Suier luna si o rasar si o prefac intr-o dragoste mare.

I stopped and panicked...

And without realizing I started to run anyway from the intensity with which I invested the experiences that I undergone...conferences, judgments of my own or of the ones around, family differences, talking with people, changes , people that left my life and people that came in...

I guess I still run away... Such a fool... I am intensity and consumption... I am made of people... My happiness is made out of colors
of their emotions and my inner beauty and enrichment...

I'm tired of this running game... I need to change, I need to build... I need to delete the fear of feeling and start expressing... And I'm going to start from the body that is home for my mind and soul... Then continue with the mental and spiritual evolution ... I'm going back to the basics... I'm going to rediscover processes and reinvent them for myself...

First rediscovery: Love is friendship on fire...

Second rediscovery: Step back and be inspired...

I am a part of something... everyday... And I stopped looking for paradise, for I have it next to me when I'm wise enough to open my eyes...



Micky,
Thanking those that color my happiness, give me inspiration and make me feel...

Wednesday, October 25

What I am trying to do?

It seems that I have this tendancy to drive too fast the car that is my life... After spending some quality yellow time with myself, I merely looked up in the mirror and realised i'm so tired, I couldn't lie anymore... Tired, yet not efficient, nor productive, not even sustainable... And I thought of the things I plan each day to do or to start, short-term plans like BCE, DELE, degree, classes, AIESEC, people, driver's license, planning to go abroad, conferences, catching up on reading and movies... What am I doing?... Where am I running to? I'm gonna get caught up in the process again....

I just got this kind of block...I wanted to write about my birthday...so consuming, pictures, blue and fast, about my going to Bucharest...not at ease, revealing, clouds way up high for a clear representation of... just for me... I wanted to write about so many things, but I thought my inspiration ran away or something or I kept on saying to myself there is no time, or most probably things were going too fast and they weren't very clear...


I promised myself I won't make myself feel pressured in anyway... I just can't help hurting myself...


After chairing the AIESEC presentation and understanding different perspectives some people have on me, I suddenly realised I need different and more intense development experiences which can help me define my style... I'm looking for, I'm trying to adapt to a new life style, of which I was not aware up to now, with everything that is integrated in one...


Values change, people change... Just live, love, learn and let go... I always thought i am not doing enough, that there is always room for more... Not now... Equilibrium means now more than ever respect for your body and soul... They get new meanings, they might change... It's a not a matter of holding on to them, denying the change, being afraid of it... It all goes down to understanding that the change is you, it has already happened... just define it, find my perfect comprised word for it, and accept that the person in the mirror is you, really you...



There tones of things i might or actually need right now... But I would sum it up by simply taking care of myself... Isn't this the road to being self-sufficient?... I may be on the right track after all... The mindset of patience and peace...

Micky
antagonic feelings and lies in my secret life...

Wednesday, October 11

On the forgotten world...my world...

Read below a statement... My future doesn't seem easy, as my present is not as well... Nor I want them to be...

Despre frumusetea uitata a vietii

"Daca ma gandesc bine, reprosul esential pe care il am de facut tarii si vremurilor este ca ma impiedica sa ma bucur de frumusetea vietii. Din cand in cand, imi dau seama ca traiesc intr-o lume fara cer, fara copaci si gradini, fara extaze bucolice, fara ape, pajisti si nori. Am uitat misterul adanc al noptii, radicalitatea amiezii, racorile cosmice ale amurgului. Nu mai vad pasarile, nu mai adulmec mirosul prafos si umed al furtunii, nu mai percep, asfixiat de emotie, miracolul ploii si al stelelor. Nu mai privesc in sus, nu mai am organ pentru parfumuri si adieri. Fosnetul frunzelor uscate, transluciditatea nocturna a lacurilor, sunetul indescifrabi! al serii, iarba, padurea, vitele, orizontul tulbure al campiei, colina cordiala si muntele ascetic nu mai fac de mult parte din peisajul meu cotidian, din echilibral igienic al vietii mele launtrice. Nu mai am timp pentru prietenie, pentru taclaua voioasa, pentru cheful asezat. Sunt ocupat. Sunt grabit. Sunt iritat, hartuit, coplesit de lehamite. Am o existenta de ghiseu: mi se cer servicii, mi se fac comenzi, mi se solicita interventii, sfaturi si complicitati. Am devenit mizantrop. Doua treimi din metabolismul meu mental se epuizeaza in nervi de conjunctura, agenda mea zilnica e un inventar de urgente minore. Gandesc pe sponci, stimulat de provocari meschine. Imi incep ziua apoplectic, injurand "situatiunea": gropile din drum, moravurile soferilor autohtoni, caldura (sau frigul), praful(sau noroiul), morala politicienilor, gramatica gazetariior, modele ideologies, cacofoniile noii arhitecturi, demagogia, coruptia, bezmeticia tranzitiei. Abia daca mai inregistrez desenui ametitor al cate unei siluete feminine, inocenta vreunui suras, farmecul tacut al cate unui colt de strada.[...] Una peste alta, mi-am pierdut buna dispozitie, elanul, jubilatia. Nu mai am ragazuri fertile, reverii, autenticitati. Ma misc, de dimineata pana seara, intr-un univers artificial, agitat, infectat de trivialitate. Apetitul vital a devenit anemic, placerea de a fi si-a pierdut amplitudinea si suculenta. Respir crispat si pripit, ca intr-o etuva. Cand cineva trece printr-o asemenea criza de vina e, in primul rand, umoarea proprie. Te poti acuza ca ai consimtit in prea mare masura imediatului, ca nu stii sa-ti dozezi timpui si afectele, ca nu mai deosebesti intre esential si accesoriu, ca, in sfarsit, ai scos din calculul zilnic valorile zenitale. Dar nu se poate trece cu vederea nici ambianta toxica a momentului si a veacului. Suntem napaditi de probleme secunde. Avem preocupari de mana a doua, avem conducatori de mana a doua, traim sub presiunea multipla a necesitatii. Ni se ofera texte mediocre, show-uri de prost-gust, conditii de viata umilitoare. Am ajuns sa nu mai avem simturi, idei, imaginatie. Ne-am uratit, ne-am instrainat cu totul de simplitatea polifonica a lumii, de pasiunea vietii depline. Nu mai avem puterea de a admira si de a iauda, cu o genuina evlavie, splendoarea Creatiei, vazduhui, marile, pamantul si oamenii. Suntem turmentati si sumbri. Abia daca ne mai putem suporta. Exista, pentru acest derapaj primejdios, o terapie plauzibila? Da, cu conditia sa ne dam seama de gravitatea primejdiei. Cu conditia sa impunem atentiei noastre zilnice alte prioritati si alte orizonturi."

Andrei Plesu -Opinii


Micky

I can contradict every argument and yet he so clearly describes a state that resembles mine



Monday, September 11

Eu nu strivesc corola de minuni a lumii...I understand its complexity and choose not to be mixed up in it ...

















If your life were a painting, a picture, a song, a poem...If you were to draw...


Soft grey heavy clouds breathing light... The grey struggle that is a part of me leads to my light, my learning process, sometimes controlled and sometimes not... The light is represented by all those things that fulfill and build me up... foreign places, nature, people, conversations, music, movies, books, friends, moments of enlightment, equilibrium, introspection, frienship, love, forgiveness, vision, inspirational leadership, potential, relaxation, moments spent inside the family, moments when you get stuck in a moment, when you are living a beatifull day...then, don't let it get away, touch me, take me to the other place, teach me....

Bravely I look further than I see, knowing things I know I cannot be, not now... I'm so aware of where I am, but I don't know where that is... And there's something right in front of me and I touch the fingers of my hand, and I wonder if it's me...

Looking up in the sky was a miracle, for I have had a clear representation of myself, i have discovered who I am, and what is so special for a while now...

Imi complic existenta, o fac cu pricepere, sunt specializat, pot sa iau orice lucru extrem de simplu si sa-l transform intr-unul complicat. Cu toate astea n-am indraznit niciodata sa complic o minune, o minune e un lucru mult prea fragil, e cam tot ce se poate spune. Habar n-am ce trebuie sa faci si cum sa ingrijesti o minune, probabil sunt cativa care stiu dar oricum nimeni nu-ti spune. Ma gandesc totusi ca o minune e ca o umbra, merge cu tine fara sa stii, tot ce trebuie sa faci e sa te uiti la cer macar o data pe zi. Daca ai noroc sa intalnesti o minune, sa ai grija de ea... Trebuie sa stii sa intelegi o minune, si poate o sa stea...

In the end my attitude towards my learning, towards my struggle spreading who I am in the atmosphere:

Eu nu strivesc corola de minuni a lumii
şi nu ucid
cu mintea tainele, ce le-ntâlnesc
în calea mea
în flori, în ochi, pe buze ori morminte.
Lumina altora
sugrumă vraja nepătrunsului ascuns
în adâncimi de întuneric,
dar eu,
eu cu lumina mea sporesc a lumii taină -
şi-ntocmai cum cu razele ei albe luna
nu micşorează, ci tremurătoare
măreşte şi mai tare taina nopţii,
aşa înbogăţesc şi eu întunecata zare
cu largi fiori de sfânt mister
şi tot ce-i neînţeles
se schimbă-n neînţelesuri şi mai mari
sub ochii mei-
căci eu iubesc
şi flori şi ochi şi buze şi morminte.

Micky

o minune de nor cenusiu deasupra caruia transpare o lumina revelatoare

Trying to adapt....Past experiences help...


And for sure I will not... This summer and the past week tought me I cannot behave like a child no longer... Nature facilitated a complex interior process, without me even thinking of anything... Things become more clear every day but it just seems difficult at this point to adapt to people changing, nasty situations, uncertain future... Live, love, learn and move on... Development...


Experimenting... Poetry and jazz have this powerfull effect... that of a soft medicine, of a convesation with a friend about mistakes I've made... Your sweet conversation...
I'll be seeing you...

Aware of the importance of next year... Future, decisions, work, vision...The promise and plans of another holiday in the mountains, in the Delta and abroad... Stay true... don't lie... you don't have to prove anything to anyone... Self-sufficiency...


Leaves of grass, green grass... There are colours that relax your eyes, body and mind, that can express much more than we could ever imagine... Just stop and look, and listen, and whilst communicating with nature pay attention to what is out there, to her voice; get involved, smile with your entire heart... Chemarea strabunilor...

The insanity of the summer...Chain of events, people, places, feelings, night blindness, bright eyes, conversations, people again... Learning to be a child again, to suffer, to adapt, to appreciate, to breathe differently, to hate and maybe to forgive, to accept, to assess, to have faith and believe, to be disappointed, to relax, to take it slow... The island, the falling stars, Mania, the rich sky in the Delta, the closeness of the mountains, the break-up and the fucked up situation that follwed, Paul coming to Constanta, Kroko, frunza in the park, Kossta leaving, LPM, the sunrise, the conversations over Ina's coffee, the photo shoots, writing letters, surprises, Cip, Stefan and Andra, Cristi, going to Bucharest- my soul sleeping in protective arms, receiving a flower, highschool reunion and it's coming back in my life, not wanting to complicate things, reliving the past, crying, losing weight, watching movies, 9th of September, strugle, parents, Mozaique, the tea pot, the square, the clouds, the stars, Alina and Tze, mails to and from people, the AIESEC people and decisions, without direction, enjoying my coffee and..., barbeques, skinny dipping, people... people with whom I shared moments of sadness, moments of reflection, of who I am... In the end... Friendship, love and forgiveness... maybe I will forgive you and myself one day... For sure I will...


Micky

rebalancing, saying hello and waving goodbye, waiting for that someone to come pick me up...

Tuesday, August 29

Peacelandia...


Why do I feel I have I lost what is mine?...
Just love, learn and walk away...
Going away to Peacelandia to find the mirror and to rediscover who Micky is and what is special about her...

Micky
in need of ...

Saturday, August 12

In the Delta...the journey begins...
















Big appreciation for those who love nature and explore it and eventually find themselves in it...I've been there with my soul and mind for one moment...but how incredible would it be if I were also to embark physically in a journey like those that I 've heard of...Some experiences are just for some people to undertake...true...but at the same time...just try...It's a matter of perspective and desire and not going back, a progressive aspect you have to develop and build upon...

Micky

remembering some moments, people, places and trying to visualise...What a rich sky...

Tuesday, August 1

Stay true to yourself...

Random thoughts that I need to express are very connected to what I have been feeling lately...The past, the memories are way deep inside, you cannot wipe them off and for sure you cannot lie to yourself regarding the learning they provide..When suffering, this is the first lesson you are provided with...don't you even dare to hide or lie, for the amount of pain you cause to yourself and the others is double... What do you do when you feel something but you don't have the courage to keep protecting it, fighting for it? Do you keep hiding from the truth and you live with this thought in your head or do you do something about it, you face your truth, your feelings even if it is a risk, even if you feel that are not aware of the consequences...? Yes, so true..In the end it all ties down to what you are...But what happens when you feel you are growing inside a big transformation process you cannot even imagine? I know the answer and for sure I will try to apply...I will listen to the people around and look in their eyes... On my way to a beautiful place with some people...The only thing I want for all of us is to express...For now this is the only way to progress...

Micky

come pick me up

Sunday, July 23

WORLD HOLD ON...And start suffering...And then stop and stare at the sun, thinking...

I regret telling you that I did not love, for I have...not received or gave the ideal love I dream of..., but as I knew how, giving who I am/was...
Say hello and wave goodbye with all our memories, for now they tear me up inside, although I knew where we were going...Funny thing I noticed...You know how things will happen but they still affect you when they do happen....Roles have changed in time, we've given each other more or less and now that is it...
Letting someone go when you feel the right moment comes is one of the most beatiful and completely unselfish things a person can do...I gave you the power to set me free and eventually, because my lack of substance to face up to my decisions, you did...But you were not sincere at all about it and although you knew how you truly felt, you kept sending me signals but at the same time got on with your life... and now I stand behind seing you already departed, with a head start you've designed for yourself...You grew up and Bucharest did change you a lot and hopefully you'll learn a lot out of all this..We'll learn...We will...because we both let it die...
And now you want my friendship? You want my friends? You can have it all because the pain and dissapointment deep inside make me numb, but I am not sure you know how to keep them near you...I try not to care and I try to challenge myself into bringing out all the memories and feelings and transform them into something pozitive, although wiping them out sounds pretty ok now...It's the pain inside me talking now...Friends? Not now...Later on maybe... if you will see the responsability that comes along with it...You know me or maybe you don't...
Betrayed as I might feel, you still are and will be an experience for me...The most powerful experience up to now, that for now will bring out all sorts of feelings out of me and afterwards grow me up inside slowly... I know that this is not the best time to draw up conclusions...
Baby this is the last time I'll be calling you like this...I cannot hate you and I feel I'm in the process of forgiving you, although maybe I have nothing to forgive, I made my mystakes...I wish you never forget...
I have so many questions and debates and ideas in my had but they don't matter anymore, I feel that they just don't...I have got to get my inner peace back...Take care...
What I like about myself right now is the analysis of how I reacted and how I am facing it...And there are only two things that helped me up to now: my mothers' embrace and listening to music and reacting to her lyrics...Because from now it is all about me, because I have got to learn to love myself more...
I am not going to write here for a while...not untill I'll really feel I am back on track, going in the direction I need but do not know...

Planning my getaway and always remember that "ca sa gasesti ceva bun trebuie sa incerci multe lucruri rele"...

Micky
planes, tears, sun, wind and greatfull for my experience, and the ones that stood by me

Wednesday, July 19

Overwhelmed


I'm feeling overwhelmed with the things I see, hear and are expected of me because I feel that I cannot accomplish them, because I am tired, afraid and because I want to fly away...

I repeatedly say to myself that I have to go back to my roots..The roots are practicaly the same, yet the elements have changed...

Micky

I choose to believe I stand for friendship, equilibrium and culture in the various shades that are my own; My music, my friends, my culture value elements, my family are my Zone, my Room...

Saturday, July 15

Because things aren't as simple as they used to be...

I said: "You know what dillema I have been facing lately? Not being able to express exactly what I feel and think..."He answered:"Well, because things aren't as simple as they used to be, better yet..you ar not as simple as you used to be...Just remember how you were 2-3 years ago...This is not a solution, yet a mere observation..."The more personal, the more introspective the writing, the more specific the trigger will turn out to be in time...Just like poetry and prose...And introspective it is..."
It is simply impossible to describe how I felt on my way to the hostel, when I realized the learning points the experience I have undergone two years ago offered me...After two years I really felt the conclusions , without giving it much thought, seemingly out of the blue...The road was taking me to a place I have met amazing people, where I have had some of the most deep and interesting conversations in my life up to then...The circle has closed...Hoping another one will begin and it will involve the same persons...

Adriana and The Bear

Thursday, July 13

My everything...











It's merely about moments and places you see and people you interact with...It's all so nice when you're just watching...And when my life is over, remember when we were together...
Different perspectives of how one perceives things are enlightening only if you explore...So are the moon rays if you react, connect and vibrate...So is the past if the memories cause you no pain, just smiles of happiness and bits of melancholie, just as simple as this... Feeling a bit better for I have found an island right here in Constanta, an island I never knew nothing about...Can't take you there just now...

Micky

my moon, my island, my flying soul, my memories, my everything...

P.S Take care dear friend of your present and future...I'll be here listening to Eric Clapton...

Saturday, July 1

In the end you stick to what you are...

Feeling the need to write again...Having a conversation with someone today made me realise my lack of direction and how much support you need in building your way, which in the end, will for sure 100% you, no matter how much you control yourself or something else... I am going to provide myself a touch of ... to keep going in what I call a sane manner, sticking to myself...university, AIESEC, no more sentimental running, friends, hobbies...

Sunday morning near a church with an interesting person,


Micky


still loving to feel the wind, so much...

Sunday, June 25

Going away for a while..to Peacelandia...

I really have to get out of the profane... Running away...?

please help me.. yet better not..I don't deserve it...

Micky

Tuesday, June 20

When the rain washes you clean... you'll know



The ability to communicate your true self...Tha amazing capacity to understand..Being able to live the present and also live to materialise your dreams...Dreaming...
For whatever reason I fell like in highschool again...It's like I regressed or just reliving some up-to-date fragments of it, but with a reason...

Micky
in search for answers and thank you
my friend...

Now here you go again
You say you want your freedom
Well who am I to keep you down?
It's only right that you should
Play it the way you feel it
But listen carefully to the sound
Of your loneliness
Like a heartbeat... drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering what you had
And what you lost...
And what you had...
And what you lost...
Thunder only happens when it's raining
Players only love you when they're playing
Say... women... they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean... you'll know

Now here I go again, I see the crystal visions
I keep my visions to myself
It's only me
Who wants to wrap around your dreams, and...
Have you any dreams you'd like to sell?
Dreams of loneliness...
Like a heartbeat... drives you mad...
In the stillness of remembering
What you had...
And what you lost...
What you had...
And what you lost...

Thunder only happens when it's raining
Players only love you when they're playing
Say... women... they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean... you'll know
You will know...
Oh, you'll know...

Deep Dish- Dreams

Monday, June 19

Travelling around the world....



Tonight is Mar de Plata, Argentina...Tomorrow? Tokyo...Coming along with me?

Micky

wondering.....


Wonder off with me:

-
La Perla | MarDelPlataWebcam.com.ar
- LINKS TO WEBCAMERAS OUTSIDE EUROPE
-Tommy's List of Live Cam Worldwide / Live Web Cam's around the World

Sunday, June 18

I've got a ticket to the end of the rainbow...

I keep on thinking about my present state and what I should do...When will I find the eyes to see the brighter day...
Friday I took the English literature exam and afterwards I went, I believe not coincidently although it did happen so, I went to drink a coffee at a colleague from primary and secodary school at her place. She got married last year and now is living, of course, with her husband...It totally blew me away..I had this strange sensation of repulsion and admiration, desire and confusion. I've always had this misconceptions about girls that marry at 20 or 21, but wasn't this a learning experience for me...They are both 22 years old, they have been together for almost 3 years before they got married and they live in their own apartment. They are this strange and beatiful mixture of naive children, students, colleagues, grown-ups, lovers but what impressed me most is their natural attitude and their conviction that what keeps them together is the uttermost friendship they have for each other and they have this incredible maturity and power to nurture this friendhip, to protect the nucleus, core of their relationship...They undertook the best experience at the right time, for this marriage(I can say the word...) will bring them even closer, will bring out the best in them, will make sure she rubs her cold nose against his warm cheek 20 years from now on...I felt really inspired by their natural behaviour, ashamed of my misconception, wanting to live this marriage experience with someone but untill then wanting to meet someone that gives me the feeling of future, like I once felt...
Afterwards, we went to the campus together to get our results and on our way there we started to reminisce, to talk about what the other colleagues might be doing...And I realised I am not at peace with that past...I would like to meet some people again, to try and remember much more and integrate the experience for I feel I didn't...
I got an 8...I felt so stupid, though...I felt that the professor implyed I have so much more potential and drew my attention to care for it...Funny thing is that I have this shaken confidence right now, that I don't see where this potential lies anymore...I need reassurance but it shouldn't be like this...
I'm going to sing, you know, and I realised I want something special for my birthday...
I now feel I know the significance of the word girlfriend for... Had some nice times Saturday afternoon with you two crazy...It is unbelievable what it means to be with the right person in the right place, it is amazing what the atmosphere you need to have in order to really enjoy comes down to...We've lived an extraordinary moment of music just for us... and I furthermore realised, remembered and add details to my dream of a perfect day.... You, me, jazz in Paris...
No special link between the phrases for these moments have not been integrated, and interesting thoughts rendered this morning...There are only a few persons you can connect to. Stop. There are only some with whom you can tell stories and get to a deeper understanding of yourselves. Stop. Stop compromising and start making decisions. Stop and start, for you cannot change it the way you want to.Play along with a smile on your place...

Micky

in need of some special care that envolves a whole lot of who I am...


For you :

Pretty girl you are the light of my life, I mean my everything
You're the one I chose to make my wife, that's why you wear my ring.
And when I'm feeling down and out, you're the one who will bail me out
My love will always guide me home, pretty girl.
Pretty girl don't ever say goodbye, don't ever let me be,
If you do you know that I will die, you mean that much to me.
And when I'm feeling low and blue you always know just what to do.
My love will always guide me home, pretty girl.
Pretty girl, hear what I have to say, it's something you should know,
You brought me sunshine on my darkest day, that's why I love you so.
And when my wandering day is through, I'll always hurry back home to you.
My love will always guide me home, pretty girl.

Pretty Girl- Eric Clapton

Monday, June 12

Ready for an experience...




It is simply amazing how you head and mind can clear up after having a deep conversation and, furthermore, how it can bring the best out of you...It's like all these unknown forces inside both conjure up the context as well as provide the power for you to live a special moment with someone else's inside feelings...It al comes down to being sincere with yourself and actually not wasting the moment and build upon it...
The level of confidence can easily be shaken by different elements...Just take a look inside and call your friends, surround yourself with people you feel connected to, get inspired, be inspiring...You do not have to be at your peak to be able to inspire, it is not a conducted process...It should be your natural present vibe, no matter it's state, that people perceive or not...It's the power within...It's your soul, your pillow book, your self...

Listen to the melody 'cas my love's in there hiding...

Ready for an international experience? Needing it, preparing for it in everyway possible...Thinking about it...I know they have a great impact, i know what I am looking for... Ready to be shaken? Poland, here I come...? The decision is becoming so clear...

Micky

my music, my friends, my culture value elements, my family are my Zone, my Room, they provide me direction and equilibrium...The only way is to nurture...

Friday, June 9

Writing about love and finding it...


Scenes, feelings, symbols, representations, past, difficult future, ability to express, silence, misunderstanding, missing people, being scared, actually enjoying someone's voice over the thelephone, music, my music...
I want to say so much but I am not able to express myself and have the feeling I better not...Not everything is to be told right the very minute after...Giving myself time is a luxury...Treasuring myself and precious time...
Sacrifice, decisions, avoiding responsabilities, fear, comparison, getting away using different methods, ablution and Pandora's Box, dreams and insecurities, need of experiences...

Emotional lanscapes
They puzzle me...


Micky

Wednesday, June 7

Bob Dylan and Haruki Murakami

Feelings I refuse having...Dreams I shouldn't be dreaming...Things I should be doing... Finished Haruki Murakami's "Hard Boiled Wonderland and The End of The World" on the sound of Bob Dylan, described in the novel as "a child who looks peacefully at the rain falling down through the window of his room"... Someone sent me the story of the "100% Perfect girl" written by the same author mentioned previously...I want to feel like that... Going to bed I realised, better yet I heard my soul saying that I am looking for someone or I am apart from it and I know for sure this is something I tried to avoid seing and this is one struggle I did not want to solve. I knew decisions have to be made but I did not know deep inside things are that serios...

Micky
denial, frightened and where am I?

-" 100% perfect girl" : http://www.mat.upm.es/~jcm/murakami-perfect.html
-Haruki Murakami : http://www.murakami.ch/main_5.html

Friday, June 2

Decisions, decisions...

I feel the sudden urge to take a drastic decision so that I feel in charge of my life...Why is that?Dicontent..?
I met someone today who made an orthodox ceremony for commemorating Eliade together with his nephew Sorin Alexandrescu...I have forgotten so many things and when she described the way she was obsessed with his writings and his personality, I thought about myself and the way that he inspired me to go to India...I'm going to read "Sacrul si Profanul" again and "Fragmentarium" also...


Micky
not very inspired, dreaming of an encounter with Eliade and a moon beam

Monday, May 29

Growing culture inside...

I have seen Tarkovsky's The Stalker for the first time 5 years ago..How truly unbelievable was the feeling I have after watching it again today...The Stalker is yet another story, a story about roles, the pursuit of happiness, pain and many others I am sure I have not discovered yet, a story of a perfect mind and soul that manages to storm you deep inside... Investing in myself has regained a long forgotten meaning, and I don't want time to be an excuse any more, i simply don't...

Micky


I am a human being belonging to my aspirations, dreams, music, books, movies and friends and hoping to feel one day like in the song, the song for you...

The wind and the neighbour's door...

For a while now I had forgotten the beauty of dreams...Wonder what's happening inside my brain... All sorts of childhood and highschool memories have been coming back since I identified my problem...Never thought this would happen to me...Being so caught up and not finding time for myself at all; no wonder I have forgotten who I am...Oh! But the beauty of remembering those moments for sure made me appreciate more the moments I have been living; so much... I feel the need to thank some people for being a part of my memories and present...Thank you Dan " Capitan de plai" for I know that you seeded the struggle I am permanently dealing with and thank you Moala for the kindness and love only a mother can offer her child and vibrate towards me.

Honouring friends and special moments,


Micky

playing, the wind and the neighbour's door