WORLD HOLD ON...And start suffering...And then stop and stare at the sun, thinking...

I regret telling you that I did not love, for I have...not received or gave the ideal love I dream of..., but as I knew how, giving who I am/was...
Say hello and wave goodbye with all our memories, for now they tear me up inside, although I knew where we were going...Funny thing I noticed...You know how things will happen but they still affect you when they do happen....Roles have changed in time, we've given each other more or less and now that is it...
Letting someone go when you feel the right moment comes is one of the most beatiful and completely unselfish things a person can do...I gave you the power to set me free and eventually, because my lack of substance to face up to my decisions, you did...But you were not sincere at all about it and although you knew how you truly felt, you kept sending me signals but at the same time got on with your life... and now I stand behind seing you already departed, with a head start you've designed for yourself...You grew up and Bucharest did change you a lot and hopefully you'll learn a lot out of all this..We'll learn...We will...because we both let it die...
And now you want my friendship? You want my friends? You can have it all because the pain and dissapointment deep inside make me numb, but I am not sure you know how to keep them near you...I try not to care and I try to challenge myself into bringing out all the memories and feelings and transform them into something pozitive, although wiping them out sounds pretty ok now...It's the pain inside me talking now...Friends? Not now...Later on maybe... if you will see the responsability that comes along with it...You know me or maybe you don't...
Betrayed as I might feel, you still are and will be an experience for me...The most powerful experience up to now, that for now will bring out all sorts of feelings out of me and afterwards grow me up inside slowly... I know that this is not the best time to draw up conclusions...
Baby this is the last time I'll be calling you like this...I cannot hate you and I feel I'm in the process of forgiving you, although maybe I have nothing to forgive, I made my mystakes...I wish you never forget...
I have so many questions and debates and ideas in my had but they don't matter anymore, I feel that they just don't...I have got to get my inner peace back...Take care...
What I like about myself right now is the analysis of how I reacted and how I am facing it...And there are only two things that helped me up to now: my mothers' embrace and listening to music and reacting to her lyrics...Because from now it is all about me, because I have got to learn to love myself more...
I am not going to write here for a while...not untill I'll really feel I am back on track, going in the direction I need but do not know...

Planning my getaway and always remember that "ca sa gasesti ceva bun trebuie sa incerci multe lucruri rele"...

Micky
planes, tears, sun, wind and greatfull for my experience, and the ones that stood by me