I've got a ticket to the end of the rainbow...

I keep on thinking about my present state and what I should do...When will I find the eyes to see the brighter day...
Friday I took the English literature exam and afterwards I went, I believe not coincidently although it did happen so, I went to drink a coffee at a colleague from primary and secodary school at her place. She got married last year and now is living, of course, with her husband...It totally blew me away..I had this strange sensation of repulsion and admiration, desire and confusion. I've always had this misconceptions about girls that marry at 20 or 21, but wasn't this a learning experience for me...They are both 22 years old, they have been together for almost 3 years before they got married and they live in their own apartment. They are this strange and beatiful mixture of naive children, students, colleagues, grown-ups, lovers but what impressed me most is their natural attitude and their conviction that what keeps them together is the uttermost friendship they have for each other and they have this incredible maturity and power to nurture this friendhip, to protect the nucleus, core of their relationship...They undertook the best experience at the right time, for this marriage(I can say the word...) will bring them even closer, will bring out the best in them, will make sure she rubs her cold nose against his warm cheek 20 years from now on...I felt really inspired by their natural behaviour, ashamed of my misconception, wanting to live this marriage experience with someone but untill then wanting to meet someone that gives me the feeling of future, like I once felt...
Afterwards, we went to the campus together to get our results and on our way there we started to reminisce, to talk about what the other colleagues might be doing...And I realised I am not at peace with that past...I would like to meet some people again, to try and remember much more and integrate the experience for I feel I didn't...
I got an 8...I felt so stupid, though...I felt that the professor implyed I have so much more potential and drew my attention to care for it...Funny thing is that I have this shaken confidence right now, that I don't see where this potential lies anymore...I need reassurance but it shouldn't be like this...
I'm going to sing, you know, and I realised I want something special for my birthday...
I now feel I know the significance of the word girlfriend for... Had some nice times Saturday afternoon with you two crazy...It is unbelievable what it means to be with the right person in the right place, it is amazing what the atmosphere you need to have in order to really enjoy comes down to...We've lived an extraordinary moment of music just for us... and I furthermore realised, remembered and add details to my dream of a perfect day.... You, me, jazz in Paris...
No special link between the phrases for these moments have not been integrated, and interesting thoughts rendered this morning...There are only a few persons you can connect to. Stop. There are only some with whom you can tell stories and get to a deeper understanding of yourselves. Stop. Stop compromising and start making decisions. Stop and start, for you cannot change it the way you want to.Play along with a smile on your place...

Micky

in need of some special care that envolves a whole lot of who I am...


For you :

Pretty girl you are the light of my life, I mean my everything
You're the one I chose to make my wife, that's why you wear my ring.
And when I'm feeling down and out, you're the one who will bail me out
My love will always guide me home, pretty girl.
Pretty girl don't ever say goodbye, don't ever let me be,
If you do you know that I will die, you mean that much to me.
And when I'm feeling low and blue you always know just what to do.
My love will always guide me home, pretty girl.
Pretty girl, hear what I have to say, it's something you should know,
You brought me sunshine on my darkest day, that's why I love you so.
And when my wandering day is through, I'll always hurry back home to you.
My love will always guide me home, pretty girl.

Pretty Girl- Eric Clapton