What I am trying to do?

It seems that I have this tendancy to drive too fast the car that is my life... After spending some quality yellow time with myself, I merely looked up in the mirror and realised i'm so tired, I couldn't lie anymore... Tired, yet not efficient, nor productive, not even sustainable... And I thought of the things I plan each day to do or to start, short-term plans like BCE, DELE, degree, classes, AIESEC, people, driver's license, planning to go abroad, conferences, catching up on reading and movies... What am I doing?... Where am I running to? I'm gonna get caught up in the process again....

I just got this kind of block...I wanted to write about my birthday...so consuming, pictures, blue and fast, about my going to Bucharest...not at ease, revealing, clouds way up high for a clear representation of... just for me... I wanted to write about so many things, but I thought my inspiration ran away or something or I kept on saying to myself there is no time, or most probably things were going too fast and they weren't very clear...

I promised myself I won't make myself feel pressured in anyway... I just can't help hurting myself...

After chairing the AIESEC presentation and understanding different perspectives some people have on me, I suddenly realised I need different and more intense development experiences which can help me define my style... I'm looking for, I'm trying to adapt to a new life style, of which I was not aware up to now, with everything that is integrated in one...

Values change, people change... Just live, love, learn and let go... I always thought i am not doing enough, that there is always room for more... Not now... Equilibrium means now more than ever respect for your body and soul... They get new meanings, they might change... It's a not a matter of holding on to them, denying the change, being afraid of it... It all goes down to understanding that the change is you, it has already happened... just define it, find my perfect comprised word for it, and accept that the person in the mirror is you, really you...


There tones of things i might or actually need right now... But I would sum it up by simply taking care of myself... Isn't this the road to being self-sufficient?... I may be on the right track after all... The mindset of patience and peace...

Micky
antagonic feelings and lies in my secret life...

On the forgotten world...my world...

Read below a statement... My future doesn't seem easy, as my present is not as well... Nor I want them to be...

Despre frumusetea uitata a vietii

"Daca ma gandesc bine, reprosul esential pe care il am de facut tarii si vremurilor este ca ma impiedica sa ma bucur de frumusetea vietii. Din cand in cand, imi dau seama ca traiesc intr-o lume fara cer, fara copaci si gradini, fara extaze bucolice, fara ape, pajisti si nori. Am uitat misterul adanc al noptii, radicalitatea amiezii, racorile cosmice ale amurgului. Nu mai vad pasarile, nu mai adulmec mirosul prafos si umed al furtunii, nu mai percep, asfixiat de emotie, miracolul ploii si al stelelor. Nu mai privesc in sus, nu mai am organ pentru parfumuri si adieri. Fosnetul frunzelor uscate, transluciditatea nocturna a lacurilor, sunetul indescifrabi! al serii, iarba, padurea, vitele, orizontul tulbure al campiei, colina cordiala si muntele ascetic nu mai fac de mult parte din peisajul meu cotidian, din echilibral igienic al vietii mele launtrice. Nu mai am timp pentru prietenie, pentru taclaua voioasa, pentru cheful asezat. Sunt ocupat. Sunt grabit. Sunt iritat, hartuit, coplesit de lehamite. Am o existenta de ghiseu: mi se cer servicii, mi se fac comenzi, mi se solicita interventii, sfaturi si complicitati. Am devenit mizantrop. Doua treimi din metabolismul meu mental se epuizeaza in nervi de conjunctura, agenda mea zilnica e un inventar de urgente minore. Gandesc pe sponci, stimulat de provocari meschine. Imi incep ziua apoplectic, injurand "situatiunea": gropile din drum, moravurile soferilor autohtoni, caldura (sau frigul), praful(sau noroiul), morala politicienilor, gramatica gazetariior, modele ideologies, cacofoniile noii arhitecturi, demagogia, coruptia, bezmeticia tranzitiei. Abia daca mai inregistrez desenui ametitor al cate unei siluete feminine, inocenta vreunui suras, farmecul tacut al cate unui colt de strada.[...] Una peste alta, mi-am pierdut buna dispozitie, elanul, jubilatia. Nu mai am ragazuri fertile, reverii, autenticitati. Ma misc, de dimineata pana seara, intr-un univers artificial, agitat, infectat de trivialitate. Apetitul vital a devenit anemic, placerea de a fi si-a pierdut amplitudinea si suculenta. Respir crispat si pripit, ca intr-o etuva. Cand cineva trece printr-o asemenea criza de vina e, in primul rand, umoarea proprie. Te poti acuza ca ai consimtit in prea mare masura imediatului, ca nu stii sa-ti dozezi timpui si afectele, ca nu mai deosebesti intre esential si accesoriu, ca, in sfarsit, ai scos din calculul zilnic valorile zenitale. Dar nu se poate trece cu vederea nici ambianta toxica a momentului si a veacului. Suntem napaditi de probleme secunde. Avem preocupari de mana a doua, avem conducatori de mana a doua, traim sub presiunea multipla a necesitatii. Ni se ofera texte mediocre, show-uri de prost-gust, conditii de viata umilitoare. Am ajuns sa nu mai avem simturi, idei, imaginatie. Ne-am uratit, ne-am instrainat cu totul de simplitatea polifonica a lumii, de pasiunea vietii depline. Nu mai avem puterea de a admira si de a iauda, cu o genuina evlavie, splendoarea Creatiei, vazduhui, marile, pamantul si oamenii. Suntem turmentati si sumbri. Abia daca ne mai putem suporta. Exista, pentru acest derapaj primejdios, o terapie plauzibila? Da, cu conditia sa ne dam seama de gravitatea primejdiei. Cu conditia sa impunem atentiei noastre zilnice alte prioritati si alte orizonturi."

Andrei Plesu -Opinii

Micky

I can contradict every argument and yet he so clearly describes a state that resembles mine