Make assumptions, if you have forgotten your way...

I cannot believe I have forgotten the genius work of Eliade...and furthermore tones of other things that were and are still inside of me...
So basically I now reach a conclusion after a period of considering I was leading a dry life, but still not fighting to do domething about it...It's other people inspiring me that I am not able to capture and the emptyness inside me that stops me transmitting to the others what I am...It is this assumption that makes me finally say...inspiration, what a divine gift that could restore me right now...
Eliade says that inspiration is the state of understanding...For I assume that if I reach my level of calmness and patience within myself and those around me I would for sure understand what is going on, and find inspiration...Is this the way?
What stops me from being calm and patient with myself?It might be that I am not happy...This might be it, but what I just said about myself is really sad...Let me say it again: my not being happy, makes me so ill inside that I cannot reach that point of understading that allows me to inspire and be inspired...
I'm getting to the point where i see the sources of my unhappiness...I need things that I used to
think I had unlimited resources in me...Not nourturing them and realizing their actual value for me got me to where I am now...in this situation that is maybe even worst than I believe, or maybe even simpler, but the thing is that I just cannot put a finger on it for sure...I lack something...How will I deal without feeling that in me?